I Hate Myself
(Rick Springfield/Matt Bissonette)
My so-called friends all quit without a kiss goodbye
According to US
I thought it was funny what Rick said about
this song at our recent live show. He said he'd written a song a lot like this
many years ago...meaning Jessie's Girl...and this was the new version of that
song. I love this song and that usual Rick tongue-in-cheek vibe of it. This
would be in my top "half" of favorites from this CD. For me it has the feel of a
classic RS self-deprecating song with an underlying humor. It's one of the
songwriting traits that appeals to me the most about Rick. One thing no one can
ever say about him is that he's afraid to admit he has faults and makes a lot of
mistakes. It's a theme within his music.
This song represents, in my mind, The Good -
The Bad - and The Ugly. Here's why:
He thrilled many fans when he opened up the opportunity to record yourself singing 'I Hate Myself' and submit it for a special rendition of the song. It also puts a celebrity in a human light when they can admit a human fault or weakness.
I didn't mind the song, melodically speaking, the first time I hear the final cut. That was the only time I liked it. I do not care for the melody. Some of the lyrics are hints of his clever writing skills, but in my opinion it is a message of wrong doing that he confesses over and over, as if it makes everything right and absolves him of sinful actions and thoughts. It is like, with any song, it was founded based on a thought...but all my ears hear are that same thought being said over and over versus a transition into the type of genius song that I am accustomed to, coming from him.
When he was first hinting at this song and mentioned that despite hearing 'I Hate Myself', that it was a 'positive song', I looked forward to hearing the song and the rational behind it being sold as a positive song. WHAT??? Imagine my disappointment to see no positive anything in this song (aside from the previously mentioned participation opportunity for willing fans). I have a hard enough time stopping my own self from telling myself that I hate myself. Never would I think to ask others to sing it and embrace it. I know...it was not a serious thing...but it almost strikes me as a puppet master move- 'Watch this...I'm going to make them think these words are positive and get the puppets to sing it and believe it. haha I am a genius'. What's that? In his own words...he's a 'one-man wrecking crew'. Nicely played, Springfield.
When it comes to this particular song, I left the puppet show early.
I'm choosing to write about this one because I have a bone to pick with Rick about it. He claims it's positive and sort of the opposite of JG. I can't quote him, mostly because what he has said about it has seemed to be so nonsensical that it just didn't fit in my brain, let alone stick in my brain.
"Everybody thinks I'm a creep and so do I." That line is straight out of the psyche of Mr. Springfield. It's the same line of thinking that would lead one to try to hang oneself from the rafters and spend a huge portion of a video's budget smashing 17 mirrors. "I'm a one man wrecking crew." Ditto with regard to the self-condemnation. "I'll climb on your cross...." is yet another of the religious references he has made over the years. With the direction of "Go ahead and crucify me," well, I don't really think Rick needs any more crucifying, as he has engaged in plenty of self-flagellation over the years.
"You're so bad for me," I'm like a moth to your flame. Ok, that isn't the correct line, but it could be, as we know he has the capability to be his own worst enemy, given some of the decisions he has made.
"Burning down, I'm black and blue," just like that lady claimed her head to be, as a result of contact with Rick's buttocks. Oops, how did that line get in there?? "Damn the danger, the scandal too." In hindsight (pun intended), that could've been a great hook or advertisement to attend that NY show, given the inherent danger of Rick's butt and the subsequent scandal that hovered for a decade or so. They could make concert t-shirts---"Damn the Danger" with a pic of Rick's butt. (If anybody takes this idea & runs with it, I want one!)
"...I hate myself cause I want you" and because I know exactly what sort of mess will ensue, because I've already been down this road a few times.
"My big breakdown your big breakthrough." Again, we could liken this line to the court situation; after all, there was a reported breakdown. And didn't she get a big breakthrough, as we all know who she is now, correct??
I am getting very nervous about my new computer and how it's acting, as it is unpredictable and I'm kind of on a time crunch of getting something submitted or getting the boot out of this secret society. Since I don't want to risk that, I'm simply close by saying I don't view this song as having the positive side that he had claimed there to be. But I do like it, and therein lies a positive side for Rick and for me. - Jenny
The first time I heard this song was when he debuted it in Milwaukee before the CD was released. It was catchy enough, but I certainly didn't walk away thinking "OMG, this song is so great". Someone had posted the video to Youtube, so we played it over and over and wrote down the words (and brought them with us to the performance he did for the fans that was also broadcast), so we knew the song pretty well after that. Then as time went by, I came to realize how much I use that phrase. Apparently I say that to myself all the time. Especially when I get on the scale. Even to the point where I like to sing "I hate myself, cause I want food" Its funny how after you hear a phrase in a song, that you don't think you are all that familiar with, that you realize you hear it/use it more than you think (kind of like It's Always Something)
Also, during some past explosions of some friendships, I was very in tune with the phrase "so called friends" because I used that a lot too. So I slowly realized how much I identified with a lot of the feeling in this song, even though maybe for different reasons.
Also, I've always thought this song was written about the reaction he had after his biography came out. Especially since I found a certain chapter a little "creepy" myself and that is the exact word I used to describe it.
Once again, I think the lyrics are very poetic. He definitely has a way with words, can make some really great rhymes while still be able to tell a story. "Burn me down, I'm black and blue" - I take that to mean he's pretty beat up, by other people, but mostly by himself. I totally get the feeling of knowing you should resist, shouldn't spend the money, shouldn't like something that is bad for you, but not being able to resist, even though you keep living the bad consequences over and over.
I do think it is odd that this is the song/line that the fans got to participate in. And yea, that whole "this is a positive song" thing. He said the same exact thing about Jesus Saves, and neither are positive at all. I take that to be sarcasm. - rlh
This one is not really a review, per se. I find that I'm having a hard time sharing any feelings about this album, because frankly, it hasn't been with me long enough. Rick's older works I could wax poetic about, and probably re-write and/or add additional to what I've already written because I have so much tied into those songs. These ones, not so much. I also had to take a step back (which is what I think is what was causing some writers block) and stop myself from trying to figure out what Rick was trying to say and just -go with it, or -let it go (the more popular phrase at the moment) and I just wrote what I felt. So if anyone is offended by this, I apologize. It's just how I feel, about a song that I find difficult to talk about
Review - I Hate Myself
*sung to the tune*
My family & friends all write me off when I say "Rick"
They've all heard it before, and frankly they're sick
Of hearing me say what a great guy you are,
When deep down inside I know you really aren't
But I'll follow you, wherever you may go
Go ahead and take my dough.
Because I hate myself
'cause I want you
To be that guy from the 80's...I thought I knew.
This whole groupie thing, is over-rated that's true
If people knew the real story they'd have a clue
It's all what you can give to him, and not what you get
That makes you hate yourself, but yet
I hate myself
'cause I want you
I hate myself, I bought more tickets to see you.
Damn the internet, the fan club too
For making me a slave to getting close to you
I hate myself
(I hate this song)
I hate myself
( I hate this song)
You're bad for me, I know that's said
My bank account agrees, and it's in the red
I hate myself; but I love you. - Michelle
I HATE MYSELF
And that's not just a song title, it's a point of fact. I do (or did) hate myself: for years! I have a strange addiction. No, I don't eat Clorox and Elmer's glue. I don't sleep with garden gnomes. And I don't save my toenail clippings. But I am addicted to suicide.
It's an embarrassing admission, but one I'm willing to make because I believe that I am not alone. I am not addicted to the ACT of killing myself, but I am addicted to the idea of it: the planning, the execution (pun intended) the anger it allows me to express without feeling that nasty "I'm a bad person for being mad about things I have every right to be mad about, but people get mad at me when I'm mad" thing happening in my head. I am happy to say that I am "in recovery" from my addiction, but I know that I will always have that little itch in my brain. The cable bill comes in and it is $20 more than I have in the bank...my first (but fleeting) thought might be, "Screw it. I can't pay this! I'll just kill myself."
Why did I just admit all that? Because I think Rick also has an addiction. I don't have a clue as to what it is! Self-harm? Sex? Depression? Who really knows? Maybe not even he can give it a name. However, this song certainly gives it a body.
I think it is easy to assume that this is about his cheating and his admission (in the book) of his adultery.
But, look deeper...whomever/whatever he is talking about is the "weak link in his chain" (SIDE NOTE - he's talking about chains again!) I can't possibly imagine that his wife is his weak link! In fact, I don't think any person (other than Rick) is his weak link. I think the addiction (whatever it is) is that...the weak link, the bad for me, the thing he wants though it is bad for him.
I really like this song. I like it as it stands - if there is no meaning whatsoever and it's just a fuckin' song - I STILL like it. I like singing it, I like thinking about it, and I like just the idea of screaming into a crowd that "I HATE MYSELF!"
But...being that I'm all into these dang themes, let's get to it...
EVIL = again the idea of "Burn me down" = punish me! Make me pay! And again, burning (as in cleansing fire) can also be a reference to nature.
The word hate itself is, by most standards, based in evil.
And the "without a kiss goodbye" line...is it evil? Or is it God? Is it a forgotten Judas kiss? Or is it the absence of a kiss (absence of humanity/love)?
Hummmmm - evil can be mixed with nature, good can be mixed with evil, my, my, my!
Okay...what about the good/God? "I'll climb up on my cross...crucify me." But then that could also but just that old humanity thing - intentional suffering, making oneself a martyr.
War? "Circle the wagons" - They used to do that...out on the prairie, the pioneers would put all the wagons in a circle whenever they felt they were (or might become) under attack. It was kind of a mobile method of fortification. Certainly it has a basis to make it a war reference.
Further, is it just me or is that a machine gun I hear at the end of this song? Machine gun? Well that's a war thing if I ever heard one!
Humanity? "Dead man walking", and, of course, "I hate myself"! Doh! And where's the deadly sin in that? "Cos I want you" - LUST!
So, because this is my review, and therefore, I can, let's return to the earlier Milton reference (see Our Ship's review) regarding Lucifer prostrate on the burning lake.
What if, rather than an actual Satan, the "addiction" is the "Demon"? Maybe there is no REAL devil. Maybe the evil/devil/bad references are to the "dark man/demon/addiction." Maybe...
And consider those repeated lines again:
The chain references (chains are almost always bad) FYI - chains and/or wires are directly mentioned in 5 songs
The cross/crucify references (crosses are almost always good)
Wrecking crew - (wrecks - and burned bridges - are humans making mistakes) FYI - wrecks and/or burned bridges are directly mentioned in 6 songs!
The "all think that I'm insane" line (insanity is most often seen as a human weakness, and by some, even a deadly sin related to sloth, as in too lazy to pull oneself together.) FYI - insanity/crazy/etc. is directly mentioned in 5 songs.
All this feeds into my theory that we have a great battle/war thing going on between good and evil where the humans (humanity/our hero) is a prize being fought over. But the human/s/humanity is too busy screwing up to realize that they are even in a war. Seems like chaos. But maybe it is just "ordered confusion." I guess we will find out...
Who will win? What will happen? Will our hero survive? Let's keep listening, you and me, and move on to the next review, You & Me - Ann Tolar Davis