General Hospital
July 18, 2008

Scene 1

Patrick: Take Mr. Love to x-ray, and I'll examine him after the doctor.
Chip: You want to examine him? You're the one who punched him.
Patrick: I'm also the one who saved his life last summer.
Cassius: Yeah, I guess it's true what they say about the business. You're only as good as your last gig, right?
Eli: Do you have any idea what you've bloody well done? Ow!
Chip: Don't try and speak. You know, if you broke his jaw, we might have to cancel the rest of the tour. We'll sue, probably put you in jail for aggravated assault.
Anna: Well, then I'll go to the tabloids with the dirt on my affair with the fabulous Eli love. And that a granny gets his motor going.
Patrick: It's probably nothing more than a bruise anyways. Go ahead, Cassius.
Cassius: Sure thing. And I can actually play my latest composition. It's kind of like a hip-hop opera, if you will.
[Robin chuckles]
Robin: You.
Patrick: What?
Robin: Well, you know how I call you a Neanderthal when you want to solve problems with your fists?
Patrick: Yes.
Robin: Well, this time, caveman, I approve.
Patrick: Really?
                                                                                                                                                                                                     Robin: Mm-hmm.

Scene 2

Robin: Eli love is a dog.
Anna: He's a dog. And I am not feeling angry or deeply offended. The whole thing is just incredibly sad.
Robin: It's probably why they say you shouldn't meet your idols. They never live up to your expectations.
Anna: Obviously, I felt that he spoke to my heart. And his lyrics are so beautiful, and he's just so charismatic and vulnerable on stage. I know I joked about the whole groupie thing, but I honestly believed that we connected on some deep level. It's ridiculous.
Robin: Well, first of all, you're no one's groupie. Second of all, he was as big of a fan of yours as you were of his.
Anna: Ok, maybe we did have the mutual admiration thing going. And of course the sex -- oh, that's -- sorry. Sorry. Because he has been such a horrible dweeb and just so shallow, I kind of feel like i need to justify the whole thing on some level.
Robin: Well, I'm sorry he disappointed you.
Anna: No, you know, it was just the wake-up call I needed. Really. We were both being shallow. I, at least, knew it.
Robin: Oh, please. Do not compare yourself to that dweeb.
Anna: Yeah, I mean, you know, age is just a number, right? It doesn't mean anything. I mean, who really cares? Being a grandmother is a beautiful thing. It's a beautiful gift from you to me, you lovely thing. I'm so excited, and I am so grateful that I'm actually young enough to be able to watch your child grow up. Thank you.
Patrick: Well, I'm waiting for x-rays, but it looks like it could be a hairline fracture in Eli's jaw. In that case, he won't be able to sing, and I could be in serious trouble.

Scene 3

Noah: Hey, someone page me?
Anna: Yes. Uh, hi. Do you have a minute?
Noah: For you, always.
Anna: Ok, great. So, I've dome something incredibly embarrassing.
Noah: Well, considering the stupid things I've done, I wouldn't worry about it.
Anna: Yeah. I didn't tell Eli that robin was pregnant. In fact, I actively hid it from him. And it turns out that my instincts were right on, because as soon as he found out I would be a grandmother, he made it very clear that I was too old for him.
Noah: That's really rude.
Anna: I know. It's so rude. Anyway, your lovely son took exception to it, and he took a swing at Eli.
Noah: Patrick punched Eli love?
Anna: He decked him.
Noah: Wow! Well, I -- I kind of like that.
Anna: Yeah, me, too.
Noah: And I can assure you, you're not too old for anything. But anyway, why do you need to feel the need to confess this to me?
Anna: Oh, I'm getting there. So, it turns out that Eli, he might have, like, a hairline fracture to the jaw, which means that he can't sing. And so his road manager has threatened to sue Patrick if they have to cancel their tour.
Noah: Oh.
Anna: And now I was wondering how you would feel about filling in for Eli on stage one last time?
Noah: Oh, Anna, look, I would love to help you out, but I -- I can't risk that.

Scene 4

Noah: I -- um -- I love being Eli love. It was a fantasy fulfilled, you know?
Anna: Mm-hmm.
Noah: I just -- uh -- I liked it too much. I not only embraced the concert, I embraced his whole lifestyle, the late nights, the parties, loving the attention from -- uh, beautiful women like you.
Anna: That is a problem, why?
Noah: I'm an alcoholic. And Eli isn't, or so he tells himself. So when I became Eli, I --
Anna: You really became Eli.
Noah: Yeah. Had a drink and then another drink and -- um -- I'm just fortunate that the concert came so soon and Eli's entourage left town, you know? Otherwise, I -- I might've hurt some of my patients, going into the O.R. Drunk. Anyway, so I -- I checked myself into rehab and I got sober and when I got out, I felt like I had to get my priorities straight, which is why I went to work for doctors without borders. I'm thankful for that every day of my life.
Anna: You're a good man.
Noah: No, I'm just a slow learner. I -- uh -- it took me years to figure it out, you know? And in the process, I lost any chance I could have for a real relationship with my son. So -- um -- I'm a work in progress, you know? My sobriety is my lifeline and as much as I would dearly love to have an encore as Eli love, I can't risk it.

Scene 5

Robin: Well, it looks like we dodged a bullet.
Patrick: Yeah, looks like it's only a bruise. So, this singing thing shouldn't be a problem.
Anna: Good. That's a relief, really.
Noah: Yeah.
Anna: You know, I mean, he's a brilliant performer. I don't wish him any ill, much.
Chip: So, I got a press interview, radio interviews for next week. I'll reset for --
Eli: Just give me a minute, chip, will you?
Chip: No, Eli, we don't have time for this.
Eli: Ok. Hey, doc, I just want you to know there are no hard feelings.
Patrick: Good. We were just commenting how we enjoy your concerts, so --
Eli: Uh -- look, you know, I'm going back to the hotel now. You know, once you get past the paparazzi and the crazies, why don't you come up to my room, we'll have dinner together, all right?
Anna: Me?
Eli: Mm-hmm.
Anna: Oh. Why don't I come with you now?
Eli: Come on, sweetheart. You know -- you know what it's like. I mean, the moment I'm seen with anyone, it's all over the place.
Anna: Yeah. Well, I would rather not be someone that you can't be seen with in public. So, why don't I just pass on forever.
Eli: I don't know why you're so mad it's --
Anna: Do I look mad? Am I mad? I'm not mad.
Eli: It's just part of the job description, you know? I mean, I got to protect the old image. I mean, as beautiful and sexy a grandma as you are, just doesn't fit with the profile. You know what I'm saying?
Noah: You're an arrogant bastard, you know that?                                                                                                                                           [Noah punches Eli]
                                                                                                                                                                                                    Noah: Sorry, chip.

[approximately 7:11 of Noah/Eli content]