July 18, 2008
Patrick: Take Mr. Love to x-ray, and I'll examine
him after the doctor.
Chip: You want to examine him? You're the one who
Patrick: I'm also the one who saved his life last
Cassius: Yeah, I guess it's true what they say
about the business. You're only as good as your last gig, right?
Eli: Do you have any idea what you've bloody well
Chip: Don't try and speak. You know, if you broke
his jaw, we might have to cancel the rest of the tour. We'll sue, probably put
you in jail for aggravated assault.
Anna: Well, then I'll go to the tabloids with the dirt on
my affair with the fabulous Eli love. And that a granny gets his motor going.
Patrick: It's probably nothing more than a bruise
anyways. Go ahead, Cassius.
Cassius: Sure thing. And I can actually play my
latest composition. It's kind of like a hip-hop opera, if you will.
Robin: Well, you know how I call you a Neanderthal
when you want to solve problems with your fists?
Robin: Well, this time, caveman, I approve.
Robin: Eli love is a dog.
Anna: He's a dog. And I am not feeling angry or
deeply offended. The whole thing is just incredibly sad.
Robin: It's probably why they say you shouldn't
meet your idols. They never live up to your expectations.
Anna: Obviously, I felt that he spoke to my heart.
And his lyrics are so beautiful, and he's just so charismatic and vulnerable on
stage. I know I joked about the whole groupie thing, but I honestly believed
that we connected on some deep level. It's ridiculous.
Robin: Well, first of all, you're no one's groupie.
Second of all, he was as big of a fan of yours as you were of his.
Anna: Ok, maybe we did have the mutual admiration
thing going. And of course the sex -- oh, that's -- sorry. Sorry. Because he has
been such a horrible dweeb and just so shallow, I kind of feel like i need to
justify the whole thing on some level.
Robin: Well, I'm sorry he disappointed you.
Anna: No, you know, it was just the wake-up call I
needed. Really. We were both being shallow. I, at least, knew it.
Robin: Oh, please. Do not compare yourself to that
Anna: Yeah, I mean, you know, age is just a number, right?
It doesn't mean anything. I mean, who really cares? Being a grandmother is a
beautiful thing. It's a beautiful gift from you to me, you lovely thing. I'm so
excited, and I am so grateful that I'm actually young enough to be able to watch
your child grow up. Thank you.
Patrick: Well, I'm waiting for x-rays, but it looks
like it could be a hairline fracture in Eli's jaw. In that case, he won't be
able to sing, and I could be in serious trouble.
Hey, someone page me?
Anna: Yes. Uh, hi. Do you have a minute?
Noah: For you, always.
Anna: Ok, great. So, I've dome something incredibly
Noah: Well, considering the stupid things I've
done, I wouldn't worry about it.
Anna: Yeah. I didn't tell Eli that robin was
pregnant. In fact, I actively hid it from him. And it turns out that my
instincts were right on, because as soon as he found out I would be a
grandmother, he made it very clear that I was too old for him.
Noah: That's really rude.
Anna: I know. It's so rude. Anyway, your lovely son took exception to it, and he
took a swing at Eli.
Noah: Patrick punched Eli love?
Anna: He decked him.
Noah: Wow! Well, I -- I kind of like that.
Anna: Yeah, me, too.
Noah: And I can assure you, you're not too old for
anything. But anyway, why do you need to feel the need to confess this to me?
Anna: Oh, I'm getting there. So, it turns out that
Eli, he might have, like, a hairline fracture to the jaw, which means that he
can't sing. And so his road manager has threatened to sue Patrick if they have
to cancel their tour.
Anna: And now I was wondering how you would feel about filling in for Eli on
stage one last time?
Noah: Oh, Anna, look, I would love to help you out,
but I -- I can't risk that.
Noah: I -- um -- I love being Eli love. It was a
fantasy fulfilled, you know?
Noah: I just -- uh -- I liked it too much. I not
only embraced the concert, I embraced his whole lifestyle, the late nights, the
parties, loving the attention from -- uh, beautiful women like you.
Anna: That is a problem, why?
Noah: I'm an alcoholic. And Eli isn't, or so he
tells himself. So when I became Eli, I --
Anna: You really became Eli.
Noah: Yeah. Had a drink and then another drink and
-- um -- I'm just fortunate that the concert came so soon and Eli's entourage
left town, you know? Otherwise, I -- I might've hurt some of my patients, going
into the O.R. Drunk. Anyway, so I -- I checked myself into rehab and I got sober
and when I got out, I felt like I had to get my priorities straight, which is
why I went to work for doctors without borders. I'm thankful for that every day
of my life.
Anna: You're a good man.
Noah: No, I'm just a slow learner. I -- uh -- it
took me years to figure it out, you know? And in the process, I lost any chance
I could have for a real relationship with my son. So -- um -- I'm a work in
progress, you know? My sobriety is my lifeline and as much as I would dearly
love to have an encore as Eli love, I can't risk it.
Well, it looks like we dodged a bullet.
Patrick: Yeah, looks like it's only a bruise. So,
this singing thing shouldn't be a problem.
Anna: Good. That's a relief, really.
Anna: You know, I mean, he's a brilliant performer. I
don't wish him any ill, much.
Chip: So, I got a press interview, radio interviews
for next week. I'll reset for --
Eli: Just give me a minute, chip, will you?
Chip: No, Eli, we don't have time for this.
Eli: Ok. Hey, doc, I just want you to know there are no
Patrick: Good. We were just commenting how we enjoy
your concerts, so --
Eli: Uh -- look, you know, I'm going back to the
hotel now. You know, once you get past the paparazzi and the crazies, why don't
you come up to my room, we'll have dinner together, all right?
Anna: Oh. Why don't I come with you now?
Eli: Come on, sweetheart. You know -- you know what
it's like. I mean, the moment I'm seen with anyone, it's all over the place.
Anna: Yeah. Well, I would rather not be someone
that you can't be seen with in public. So, why don't I just pass on forever.
Eli: I don't know why you're so mad it's --
Anna: Do I look mad? Am I mad? I'm not mad.
Eli: It's just part of the job description, you
know? I mean, I got to protect the old image. I mean, as beautiful and sexy a
grandma as you are, just doesn't fit with the profile. You know what I'm saying?
Noah: You're an arrogant bastard, you know
[Noah punches Eli]
Noah: Sorry, chip.
[approximately 7:11 of Noah/Eli content]