Jesus Was An Atheist

(Lyrics & music by Rick Springfield)

Jesus was an atheist
He was a friend of mine
We hooked up in temple back in Roman Palestine
We became friends it was the best of both worlds
I was good at stealing silver he was good at pulling girls
He'd say "they're gonna kill me" when we'd go out smoking
I thought he meant the cigarettes but Jesus wasn't joking

Mary was a pragmatist and virgin rolled in one
One day she said to Joseph, "Joe I think the time has come"
Your boy needs to get a job, try the laundromat
Joseph said "he ain't my boy, I think we settled that"
Mary said something about semantics with a smile
Joe said "I'm going drinking, I'll be back in a little while"

I heard somebody say Jesus was a Capricorn
Jesus told me once on the day that he was born
A giant supernova exploded in the sky
He said he didn't know what it was s'posed to signify
I lost touch with him and he lost touch with me
The next thing I remember he was big in Galilee

We were walking in the desert trading big hits from a bong
He said it was 40 days it didn't seem that long
I was trying to talk him out of such a pointless sacrifice
He said it was the only way to get to paradise
I said "you might be high", he said I was mistaken
But watching him die was truly heart breakin'

Jesus ascended, I guess you'd call it that
I'm down here baby "what the hell you looking at?"
I sometimes wonder if we'd stayed friends
How that might've change the way this party ends
I know you all believe that Jesus was divine
Jesus was an atheist he was a friend of mine
woo hoo, woo hoo, woo hoo

According to US